Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
