this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
