He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
