If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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