He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
