is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
