I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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