my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
