I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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