Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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