This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
