he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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