you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
