awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
