chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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