He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
