Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
