My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Those nachos came to me in a dream
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
