as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Life without a bra equals bliss.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
