I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
