Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
