went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
