omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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