thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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