so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
