Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
