My underwear smells like fireworks.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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