its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
how drunk are you?
Several
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
