Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
