I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
