Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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