Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
