if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
