well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
