You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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