She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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