hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
