ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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