Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
