just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Everclear isn't food dammit
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
