You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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