how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
