i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
you never un-have a 4some
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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