We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
