okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
