I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
