who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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