It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
