put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
