Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
