My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
