You can't special order awesome
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
