I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
