you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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