so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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